I demand better vampires.

That is, I used to really be into them, until they got all popular and un-vampy. There was something about the mystery, the darkness, the evil. I was into it.



I must admit, I am not a teenage girl, but I maintain that the best part about vampires is the EVIL. And the most attractive part is the “I’m amazing, live forever, and think the end of the world sounds fun… wanna go kill some people?” attitude. So sexy. (see boys, acting like you don't care about stuff, you're just living your life, being awesome, not looking for our approval. We approve. kinda hot.)
Just saying. They’re not supposed to have souls. I don’t understand moping vamps… they’re not supposed to feel anything but hungry… and pleased with their evilness. I am not into the emo / hipster look for the Vamps. They should rock the evil killer look. Not “I have feelings and am awkward and can’t make conversation”. You’ve had hundreds of years of practice, you should be AWESOME at small talk. You're not an awkward 15 year old boy, you're 300 and still rocking a hot body. You should be able to run shit and talk any 16 year old out of their panties, and, inevitably, their life. Just saying. I would.

Apparently I need to vent.

I feel like they should be less awkward, because they don’t care about what people think… that would require a heartbeat and a soul. That “I get to live forever and am superior” attitude is the basis of their sex appeal.

Another thing: Vampires are not all good looking… just the truly evil / powerful / popular ones. They are basically like mean girls, except better at it, and all the time. But they have ugly thug vamps too.

moving on to some cultural references from the '90s

I would make an excellent vampire. If I ever play a vampire, please let it be an Evil character! One that kills for fun and likes seeing the others suffer. I was just watching Angel (PS - Angel is the original mopey, not evil vampire… but he’s still hot, cuz he went evil for a while, and the only reason he’s not evil is because he was cursed, and has his soul back. It’s not like he decided one day that he would stop killing people and be a good person… er… vampire) anyway, and the evil vampire was all like “the fear makes your blood sweeter”. Oddly kinda hot.

Also, Spike. Love Spike… even when he got the chip in his brain he was an asshole. Love that.

Okay, random rant… is it going somewhere? Possibly. I just felt like sharing my modern day vampire disappointments.

This is why I love Buffy. Not only a sweet show, but the Vamps are the bad guys. They look like all kinda of people. The leaders are usually more attractive (just like real life) but the vampires in general look like normal people. Some are attractive, some really are not. They are just vampires. They like to kill, they’re evil. Direct sunlight = burst into flames (I want to stab that bitch that decided that looking like a toddler who ingested glitter just threw up on your face was the best way to deal with vampires and sunlight), steak to the heart = dust, crucifix and holy water = burning of skin, and repels them. OR you can cut their head off. Also a fan of that. Decapitation is just SO badass!

Do you agree thus far?

Also, vampires should be stylish as hell. They can steal things whenever they feel like it… super strong, immortal, no morals. Either they rock the classic black and sharp look. Oh, and fitted. or they rock the “I died in this area, so I still wear clothes from it, just the most bad ass ones though”. Also, I kinda like the “stuck in the 80s” vamps in Buffy… but they are rarely a big shot. So, note, vampires that go anywhere with their evil careers often dress better than those who do not. Maybe I should start a vampire fashion blog and track this… oh right! They’re MADE UP.

Dammit.

There goes my alternate plan to deciding about jobs at a post secondary institution. (either become an evil undead tyrant, or blog about their clothing).

Sigh. I suppose fame and fortune remains the back up plan in this case.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I’d like to see Spike beat the shit out of Edward Cullen. And then watch Buffy kick Bella’s ass. OR other other way around… that might be even more amusing. Besides. Buffy would DESTROY… well… all of them.

and then Buffy staked Edward. The End.

But, back to the awkward brooding. I wonder if they blame their parents for how hard their lives are, or if they blame their sire? (ie, upper middle class emo kids… you kinda have everything. Give your little sister back her jeans and eye liner and be grateful and smile… stop crying and writing crappy poetry.)

You're undead. You’re stronger than other people. You live forever. You don’t feel bad about stuff. You’re attractive and members of the opposite sex totally dig you. And, on account of being dead, you win the sex game. You cant knock anyone up and you don't have STI's... they need to be sustained by life people, vampires do not have life therefor can have all kinds of crazy unprotected sex without any consequence. How awesome is that? All the pleasure, none of the risk!!

And stop moping about not being accepted and have a snack… oh, and there isn't even slayers and righteous heroes hunting you these days. GET OVER YOUR UNDEAD SELF. That’s another thing. Why are you so hipster and sad all the time? It’s not like you’re being hunted by a worthy foe? Sometimes a human gets it in their head to try and dust you, but that’s like having dinner delivered. It just comes right to you. So handy.

This vegetarian vampire thing just makes no sense. I struggle with the thought of giving up red meat... and I have a soul. What if it was the only thing I could eat, and it made me crazy strong, and I was unable to feel bad about the whole killing thing.

I don’t know if I am pale enough to play a vampire. Sigh. Well, there is always the makeup department I suppose…

I just want to rule the world.

That is all.